Monday, December 16, 2013

December Thoughts

December. It's always a bitter sweet month for me. I love Christmas: the celebration of Christ's birth, the tree, the lights, the family time, etc. But the whole gift-giving and scheduling conundrums really stress me out.  

I miss my family members that have passed away more than ever in December. They should be here for Christmas but of course they aren't and that is of course sad.

Also. Some of my greatest moments of happiness and lowest sad points have occurred in my life's Decembers. I met ex in the month December and married him four Decembers later. which were happy at the time and now just leaving feeling blah. We were divorced three Decembers later.

BUT Clayton and I became friends in December of 2009. We have had four GREAT Decembers since, as well as the other 11 months of each of the years! It's not like our life is perfect but we make the best of the life we've been given. We both feel like we have been given a second chance and we don't want to mess this good thing up.

I'm super sad that we don't currently have children in our home to make the month of December even more exciting. Christmases are always so much better when kids are involved. But for some reason, that we may not understand now, God hasn't blessed us with children of our own (yet). But we are "this" close to being finished with the first steps to become foster parents and hopefully one day we will be able to adopt. And then we'll be a forever home for the child God intends for us.

While all this may seem kind of personal, if you knew me at all you'd already know these things about me. The point I'm trying to make is...even though sometimes life hurts, it may be that only through going through those dark times can you really appreciate the good times. 

I feel certain, had I not experienced my early 20s, I would have NEVER appreciated Clayton. And now I can't imagine my life without him. I believe with all my heart that he is the man God put on this earth for me. But not only do I have a true partner to go through this life with but I had the opportunity to learn who I was and about the things I like. I took the chance to grow as a person and become a person worthy of the life I wanted. (Granted, being the person I want to be is a work in progress! But I don't plan on ever giving up!)

Had I listened to the "advice" or negativity of others, I would not be in the situation I'm in now. Yes, I realize it seem FOOLISH to run to Vegas and elope just five months after my divorce and after knowing the one you going to marry after just five months!  It could have ended terribly. I'm sure there were some people in our lives that were betting on this marriage not working. And I don't know what the future holds but I know that Clayton and I are committed to each other, our relationship and God.

While maybe had I listened to the advice of others over ten years ago, I could have saved myself some heartache. But I know now, I would not forgo any of those trials. I am content with my lot in life. I don't think I'll ever stop trying to better myself. There are always things a I can learn and experience. I hope and pray the painful parts are few and far between but through that pain is when real character is built. 

Really friends, what I want to say is take some risks! Don't be afraid to love! Don't worry if it doesn't work! Heartbreak is a part of life! Some seasons in life are just meant to be sad. Just don't wallow in your sorrows! LEARN from it. Be the best version of YOU! Your decisions are your own. You have to make peace with yourself and God. Surround yourself with people that love and support you, even if they think they know you are making a mistake. They can't live your life for you. You just have to know if if it does turn out to be a mistake, you life isn't over. Don't let one set back destroy your life.

I know that was all very rambly. But just had some thoughts I wanted to get out. If you've read all the way to this point, I certainly appreciate you! Leave me some thoughts or comments. Probably nothing new, nothing you haven't seen, read, heard or thought of yourself but sometimes it's just good to get your thoughts out of your own head! Thanks for letting me share!